21.Nancy Becomes “Mom”

Nancy  has  quit  her  job  at CAP  and  is  staying  home

now.  Phillip  says  that  the  printing  business  is  generating

enough money to see us through until he becomes famous.

He  always  talks  about  how  one  day  he  will  be  famous

because of the songs he has written. He says he has songs

for everyone. He has even written one for his mom. Nancy

is always  telling me  that  I  need  to pump him up, meaning

pump his ego so he will continue to move forward and not

go back to his old ways. He is taking new medication that

his psychiatrist has prescribed him. I  have learned that one

of his therapists diagnosed him with ADD (attention deficit

disorder). He said this therapist changed his life. He finally

understands  why  he  felt  the  need  to  “self-medicate”  all

these  years.  Since  they  treat  ADD  with

methamphetamines,  he  believes  that’s  what  he

subconsciously  was  trying  to  do all  these  years. Now  he

has been assigned a new psychiatrist who has prescribed

Dexedrine for his ADD and Zoloft for his manic depression,

which his other therapist also diagnosed him with. Reflection

What  I   have  learned  is  the  difference  between

supportive therapy and enabling therapy. In my opinion from

reading several reports and from what Phillip told me I  think

one of Phillip’s  therapists was an “enabling  therapist” who

explained  away  why  Phillip  didn’t  show  up  for

appointments. In one incident Phillip had tested dirty on one

of  the  random  drug  tests  he  was  asked  to  do. When  it

came back dirty, he told his therapist that he was at a party

and someone must have slipped  it  in his drink. The worst

part  is  the  therapist  apparently  believed  him  and  made

excuses  to  the parole board  for him. He and Nancy both

saw this therapist three days before they took me from my

home and  four days after.  I ’m not saying  that  the  therapist

should  have  known;  I ’m  just  saying  it’s  strange  that  the

therapist would not have seen something amiss. Phillip was

given  the  excuse  he  had  been  looking  for.  His  “self-

medicating” all these years was apparently due  to  the  fact

that  he  had  ADD  and  bipolar  disorder.  The  therapist

recommended Zoloft  for bipolar and Ritalin  for  the ADD.  I

wonder what would have happened if the therapist had held

Phillip accountable?

It’s also my opinion that another of Phillip’s doctors was

also an “enabler.” He used to have Phillip come to his office

every month or so, and apparently he thought Phillip was a

changed man,  too.  Printing  for  Less  started making  and

printing his business cards, letterhead, and envelopes. He

wanted  an  exact  color  and  font match  and  that was  very

difficult on ink jet printers and the color didn’t always come

out right and we’d have to do a reprint. In 2008, Phillip went

to  see  him with Nancy.  Phillip  told me  later when  he  got

home  that  he  had  finally  told  the  psychiatrist  that  he  has

been hearing voices. Phillip  told me  that  for  the next  three

months  the  psychiatrist  didn’t  return  any  of  Phillip’s

messages  or  letters  and  that  he  went  without  his

medication  for  all  those  months,  too.  By  then  he  had

switched  to  Dexedrine  for  the  ADD  and  wasn’t  taking

anything for the bipolar. Phillip said that with God’s help he

could control the manic side of his personality. And most of

the time he succeeded. Phillip had a hard time focusing on

anything for long time periods. His thoughts were scattered,

and his mind was going in fifty different directions at once.

Everything  seemed  to  be  falling  apart.  We  were  all

miserable.  The  psychiatrist  finally  mailed  Phillip  a

prescription  for his ADD meds. But what  I   find strange  is:

Wasn’t this doctor curious as to why his patient was acting

like this and what his patient was up to? In my eyes, Phillip

was essentially asking  for help and didn’t get  it. What can

you say? Then his mom fell and things just got worse.

Phillip says Nancy  is  really having a hard  time when he

and  the  babies  call me  “Mommy.” She  says  she’s  had  a

few miscarriages  and  her  blood  pressure  problems  have

always  prevented  her  from  keeping  a  baby  to  term.  That

makes me feel really bad for her. Phillip says that she feels

like an outsider as she watches me and  the kids and  it’s

tearing her apart. He says it would be a good idea to bring

us all  together so we can all be a  family  for  the kids  if we

start  calling  her  “Mom”  and  referring  to me  as  the  girls’

“sister.” I  don’t want Nancy to feel like she is an outsider. I

just don’t want to call her “Mom.” I  have a mom. I  love and

miss my mom. Doesn’t he know how hard this is for me? I t

would  be  nice  if  the  girls  didn’t  depend  on  me  for

everything.  I   could  use some  more  help  with  them,  and

some adult conversation would be wonderful, too. I  know it

will be a little confusing for A at first because she is so used

to calling me Mommy, but I  think she loves Nancy, too, and

if she sees me doing it, she’ll follow along. I f we start now,

Phillip says G will  think Nancy  is her mom and A  is young

enough to forget about me in time. Nancy will finally feel like

part of the family. He says I  should pick a name that I  like to

be called.

After a  couple of days of  thinking,  I  decide on my new

name and  tell Phillip and Nancy my choice.  I  say  I  want  to

be called Allissa. I  used to love to watch Who’s the Boss?

and  my  favorite  actress  is  Alyssa  Milano.  But  I   want  a

different  spelling.  I   want  it  spelled A-L-L-I -S-S-A.  This  is

what the girls will grow up calling me.